The friend of my enemy is my enemy.
Bohdi Sanders

The fact that the friend of your enemy is your enemy is a hard concept for some people to grasp, but it is true nonetheless. Some people don’t have the guts to choose right from wrong, so they simply try to walk a path in between the two, somehow trying to reap benefits from both sides. But, as the Bible teaches, what fellowship does light have with darkness?

True friendship is absolute; it is black and white. Either you are a true friend, with all that entails, or you are not. Anything less is nothing more than an acquaintance with whom you are cordial. Acquaintances are usually pleasant and nice, but they will never stick their necks out for you; they will never risk anything for you when your back is against the wall. They are nice enough, but they ultimately have no loyalty to you at all when the chips are down.

Believing that this kind of person is your friend is as ridiculous as believing that the sexy young bartender is flirting with you because you are so amazing, not because she makes her living on tips or that the politician truly cares about you, and is not being nice simply because he wants your vote. You have to be pretty naïve if you live your life this way! These people treat your enemies just as nice as they treat you and have just as much, or more accurately, just as little, loyalty to them as they do to you.

The bottom line is that those who refuse to back you, when you have an enemy come against you, because they want to “maintain their friendship” to “both” you and your enemy, are NOT your friends. They have no loyalty to you; they are simply hedging their bet like a sleazy politician. Don’t trust them!

You can’t have your cake and eat it too; you have to choose one or the other. The same goes for friendship. If your friend has a real enemy, you can’t choose to be your friend’s friend and at the same time, good friends with his enemy. Life just doesn’t work that way. You must make a choice.

And always remember, refusing to choose is making a choice; if you choose to be everyone’s “friend,” you are choosing not to support your friend, but instead to play the middle. The wise person will never trust the “friend” who also wants to maintain a friendship with his worst enemy. That person is not your friend; he is simply maneuvering for position and keeping his finger in the wind to see which side offers the best opportunity for him at this time and in the future.

I have had people tell me that my view on this is too intense and that I can’t expect my friends to be willing to take a stand like this. Others have said that I should not judge these people so harshly, as they are just afraid of my enemy’s underhanded ways, so they are afraid to take a stand for truth and justice or to support me, even though they “secretly support me.”

To that, I say that I have no time for cowards or for those with no backbone! Those kind of people can keep their so-called friendship; it is worth less than my relationship with my mechanic or my plumber. Actually, it is worth less than my relationship to my dog. At least my dog understands loyalty! Again, what fellowship does light have with darkness? What relationship should a warrior have with cowards?

I actually had one so-called “friend” who continued to be very active, close friends with a guy who was actively trying to destroy my reputation. When I mentioned this to him, he badmouthed the other guy profusely and agreed that he is a real piece of garbage, but still maintained his friendship with him and even teaches him and gives him gifts. I mentioned this fact to him, and his response was, “Listen Bohdi, I don’t want to be involved. I am your friend, but nothing more. That is all.” If this is what this guy considers being a friend, I think I would be off without friends! I haven’t spoken to him since and probably never will.

This guy is a perfect example for this article. He was constantly asking for my help with his marketing for his website, his writing, etc. When I asked him if he would like to write a chapter in my new book series, he was extremely excited, and then asked me if I could write it for him; and I did, because when I give my friendship, it is real. But as soon as I came under attack by one of his so-called friends, who I might add, bought his friendship by giving him bogus martial arts hall of fame awards, he was not willing to take a stand.

You see, these kinds of “friends” are only in it for themselves. They befriend people as long as there is something in it for them. They enjoy the ride until the road gets a little bumpy, then their true colors begin to show. In the end, when it comes right down to it, they are loyal to no one but themselves.

When someone is friends with your enemy, never trust them, no matter how friendly they may act or what excuses they give for being friends with your enemy. The same goes for those who claim to be friends with both you and your enemy. You can’t ride in two different boats at the same time! You may be able to keep a leg in each boat for a short time, until the boats start to drift apart, but at that time, you must make a decision about which boat you want to be in or else you will end up over your head in the water.

Many don’t seem to understand this; they claim they can be friends with both you and your enemies. But this is wrong thinking. Consider this, if one of someone’s so-called friends were to attack his wife, would he still maintain his neutrality? Of course not! Why? Because he and his wife have a special bond, a special relationship, and a deep friendship. Nobody better mess with his wife! True friendship works the same way.

If someone isn’t ready to back up his friend, then they aren’t truly friends. The man who claims to be friends with everyone is in reality, nobody’s true friend; he just has lots of acquaintances in his address book, and is also very willing to cross them out of the book as it suites him or whenever that so-called “friendship” is inconvenient for him. This is not true friendship!

Whether you want to believe it or not, the friend of your enemy IS your enemy. He may not be as openly hostile to you as your enemy. He may even keep his true feelings neatly hidden away. But ultimately, when pressed, that person is not your friend and never was. His loyalties lie with your enemy and with himself; you don’t factor in unless he has something to gain from you.

Another point that needs to be clarified is that misguided old saying that, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Nothing could be further from the truth! The enemy of your enemy may be useful, you may have a common foe, but the reality is that he could not give a rat’s ass about you, other than the fact that you both have a common enemy. He is no more your friend than your enemy is; he is merely an acquaintance who has the common goal of defending himself against a mutual enemy. That’s all. If someone else started attacking you, he couldn’t care less about it, as he has no dog in that hunt. He is not your friend! The simple fact is that even though people repeat old clichés like this, that doesn’t make them true.

The friend of your enemy is absolutely your enemy, even if you don’t realize it yet. You should always keep an eye on them, for if they are real friends, they will stand with their friend against you, even if it is behind the scenes. And even if they are not true friends, if they perceive that there is something in it for them if they help bring you down, they will turn against you. Either way, you should never trust them.

There are many witty quotes out there from famous people which state things like, “If I make my enemy my friend, then I have defeated my enemy.” While this sounds great on the surface, you can put it in the same category with unicorns and fairies – there is no such thing as making your enemy your friend! Only a fool would believe that someone who hates you and wants to destroy you could ever truly be a real friend. The best you could hope for is a cessation of hostilities and being pleasant if your paths actually ever cross again. Rubbing an old oil lamp and hoping that a genie magically comes out of it and grants you three wishes is for children; and you have just as much chance of your enemy becoming your true friend.

The warrior must have insight into who is and who isn’t really his friend. Many great warriors have been lost because they trusted the wrong person. Remember, even Jesus was betrayed by one of his closest “brothers.” You can’t be too careful where this topic is concerned. Warrior up! Bohdi Sanders ~ author of the #1 Bestsellers, MODERN BUSHIDO: Living a Life of Excellence and MEN of the CODE: Living Life as a Superior Man