However frivolous a company may be, still,
while you are among them, do not show them
by your inattention, that you think them so;
but rather take their tone, and conform in
some degree to their weakness, instead of
manifesting your contempt for them.
Lord Chesterfield
I could condense this statement by Lord Chesterfield down to one simple sentence, “Always use your manners, no matter who you may happen to be with at the time.” It doesn’t matter who you may be associating with at the present moment, there is never a good reason to treat them as if they are unimportant, or as if you are better than they are or above them.
Treat everyone with courtesy and manners, at least until there is a very specific reason for you to act otherwise towards them. I might add that those reasons are few and far between. If you think you have a good reason not to treat someone with courtesy, then maybe you should not be associating with that person to start with.
You have made the decision to associate with the people around you. Nobody is forcing you to spend time with anyone. You choose who you do and do not associate with. No matter how insignificant, boorish, or rude you find the people around you, do not allow their mannerisms to affect your own standards of behavior.
This doesn’t mean that you have to be stuffy or uptight, but only that you treat each person with a certain degree of respect. Even if someone deserves your disrespect, do your best to refrain from displaying your contempt. Showing your contempt for someone may make you feel good temporarily, but it could come back to cause you unforeseen issues later.
You may think that this is going a little too far. After all, if someone doesn’t deserve any respect, why should you treat him with respect? The answer lies in the way you have decided to live your life.
Do you want to be seen as someone with class, who acts appropriately in spite of the external circumstances, or do you want to be seen as someone who allows his emotions to dictate his actions? Churchill said, even if you have to kill a man, it costs you nothing to be polite. That is saying a lot!
Being overtly rude displays a lack of self-control and indicates a lack of intelligence in many cases. If you can’t act with respect and courtesy, then at least response with tact and class. Refuse to allow your emotions to control your speech.
When you maintain control over your thoughts and words, it will be easy to control your actions. When in doubt, ask yourself if you are being courteous because the other person deserves it or because that is the kind of person you want to be. Remember Baltasar Gracian’s enlightening words, “The man of principle never forgets what he is. because of what others are.”
Don’t forget what kind of person you have decided to be and how you have decided to live. Never allow the bad behavior of others to cause you to lower your own standards. You are only responsible for your behavior, no one else’s behavior. Conduct yourself with courtesy, respect, and class, no matter how anyone else behaves.
